CSI: Oklahoma

With all the super mega crime busting machines and other equipment used today I would hate to be involved in any type of crime and especially to have my house as just an innocent location named as a crime scene.

I mean with everything they can detect and every little tiny fact or detail they can find, it could prove embarrassing or even incriminating to you without you ever being involved in the current crime or even any other.

I can just imagine if the same type of equipment, labs and investigatory methods were available 20-25 years ago and a batch of those CSI fellers were looking into a possum murder / raccoon suicide in the bathroom at my parent's farm and what they might have come up with.

My parents - "Officers, were you able to find any clues?"

1st CSI - "Yes sir, but there were a few other things; your son seems to be a healthy masturbator who just has an established bad aim which we were able to determine from the erratic splatter patterns along the walls, ceiling, mirror, cabinets and outside area of the shower curtain."

2nd CSI - "Yes, he seems to jack off like a blind one armed monkey with the shakes riding on a tractor. He's nailed everything in here but the toilet. You should also tell him to stop standing on the sink and dragging his balls across the combs and toothbrushes."

1st CSI - "We certainly wouldn't want him to slip or fall."

2nd CSI - "And putting Bounce sheets up his ass while he makes hand mustard wouldn't be so bad, just as long as he stops trying to sneak them back into the box after finishing."

1st CSI - "We've heard the new craze of 'Bounce Bopping" that's been happening in the bigger cities, but it doesn't actually improve ejaculation. It might give his farts a fresher scent, but that's about it. Plus we've already heard of at least a dozen cases of Bounce induced rectal rash that were all ass-fatal"

2nd CSI - "Oh, and the raccoon raped the possum before killing himself, but then the possum was again molested by a rouge gang of squirrels who then killed the possum upon finding out that it was a male."

1st CSI - "And we think your son was watching from the shower, but there wasn't sufficient evidence as he may have felt threatened by the squirrels and didn't finish or just shot it out the window. I would suggest burning this entire bathroom and starting over."