(This is due to a very recent run in with the unholy food wrap of Satan's minions.)
Saran wrap has to be one of the world's biggest pains in the ass to frackin' mess with.
Only about 1 in 7 Americans are actually born with the ability to tear completely across that steely snaggletooth line without snags, rips, extra stringy bits, massive balled up corners or a jagged bloody scar across the forearm.
I'd really hate to try and use that crap on a space shuttle ride, with gravity being your only real ally in the constant futile effort to master the static super powers of this ill concocted mockery the enemies of tinfoil released upon the food industry that eventually trickled down to us wee peasants.
I mean just try fuckin' with that shit in zero G.
A lemming doused in baby penguin scent has a better chance of banging a polar bear on top of a walrus gang eating sardines while trying to wrap their week old tuna in used newspaper on a teeter-totter.
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4 comments:
That is the God's honest truth. You could give a roll of it to a mime....see how long the mime goes without cursing the universe at the top of it's lungs!
Even one of those creepy bastards doing one their fakeout unrolling some saran wrap things would look less evil and three times smoother then when I make the attempt.
And I think the universe probably curses mimes, kinda like a dog does to ticks.
Excellent tip. I should just go ahead and wrap stuff in used newspaper on a teeter-totter. If I use saran wrap, reynold's wrap, OR wax paper, I invariably manage to scoot the whole roll out of the box and onto the floor, where it flees from me--cackling.*
*Or is that Johnson from marketing cackling?
This just in: Valued employee Johnson found dead, wrapped in 745 feet of Saran Wrap. Police are baffled, but think his body will keep for several months.
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