Punk Ass F**k

Since I lack any real ability to play instruments, sing, keep a beat or write emotionally deep lyrics I figured that a punk band would be the way to go. I probably wouldn't play my music any differently. Why alienate the brain dead legions of magic marker sniffing punkers that already love three chords and songs
of jilted punk love and who, most of which, will end up dead in the backseat of a car buried in a pile of paint cans and Flipsides.
Even metalheads are turning to punk rock. These legions of hair spray and spandex Eddie wannabes have been lost ever since the hay days of Motley Crue. They have nowhere to turn. Grunge has that heavy shake your brain crunch, but all the songs are about overdosing and watching your life and your friends go to complete shit. Sub par for the Metalloid. No songs about drinking beer and puking at the school dance. No songs about looking up your teachers dress and fucking junior high chicks. Grunge is just too damn deep for the average Metalhead. Punk at least has
that child like lyrical quality that's easy to understand while you're cruising the local lake, drinking Coors Lite and smoking your dad's cigarettes.
Yep, if I was in a punk band I guess I would actually change some of the lyrics slightly to pull in some off the headbanger crowd, but why bother. With the continual loss of real metal and the continual growth of both punk and grunge I think the troops of no-thinkers will come to punk. For simplicity above all. So here's my punk song. Rock on blokes!
It's handily titled: PUNK ASS FUCK (and is to be sung really fast if you try this at home)

Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
Goes to all the cool shows
Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
Never blows his nose
Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
Likes to steal his mom's money
Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
Way to punk for Mudhoney
He can't get laid
Never stayed at job long enough to get paid
He's just the punk ass fuck
Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
Huffs fumes in the garage
Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
Born in the back of a dodge
Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
Slams every night
Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
To much of a puss to fight
He can't get laid
Destroys everything his parents made
He's just the punk ass fuck
Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
He's nobody's fool
Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
Flunked out of middle school
To punk to drive
It's a wonder he's alive
He's the uber punk
Yeah yeah yeah punk 'n ' roll forever(mini-punk solo)
Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
Steals cds from the mall
Punk ass fuck punk ass fuck
He's only five feet tall
To short to get laid
He'll never have it made
He's just the motherfuckin' punk ass fuck

This song can be yours on a limited edition blue vinyl split with former President Clinton's super saxy project called Hillary's Big Ole Balls. They are doing a special love song titled "Monica sucked a Quarter through my ass". It ought to be one hot seller. And it's available to even the average citizen. Are you man enough tater? Sign up now! Don't be the only square buttnut on your block. Everybody's shootin' up and fucking like rabid monkeys in the streets to this sweet new groove.
Call now and one of our "Phone Specialists" will process your order post haste.
Dial now and receive The Terd Tweaker 2000. Specifically designed to reach those hard to get problem areas. Never has the removal of reverse dingleberies been so easy and efficient since Hasbro's Anal Axe.
Don't forget to order a vat of Tingle Wax. There's nothing more unpleasant than going on a dry run with the Tweaker 2000. That inner pink tender butt flesh can tear like a piece of plastic without the soothing power of Tingle Wax. Mmmmmm Tingle Wax.